The greatest disappointments in life are experienced when they are betrayed by someone close to them, and emotional partner or a friend. But few are aware that we alone are responsible for good or bad choices and whether or not we will have happiness and satisfaction in private life.
Connections can be sensitive, especially in the beginning. Some people easily attract their soulmates and enjoy a long and fulfilled partnership. In contrast, others are doomed to go from one bad relationship to another. They can’t figure out why they’re not in a happy relationship yet. If you think you are doing everything in your power, but your love happiness is constantly slipping away, maybe it’s time to ask yourself where you’re wrong. Lack of joy often has nothing to do with the other side, but our approach.
Sometimes our bad decisions or wrong motives are the main culprits for not finding a soul mate. Unfortunately, those hidden emotional wounds can open when we least expect it.
It is known that jealousy, mistrust, deception and similar problems destroy the relationship. Still, behind a few failed attempts or a case of a broken heart, you can hide typical traps that are not so obvious, but cause great damage.
Equally dangerous are things we don’t think about too much that inevitably lead to a love crash. As much as we deny it, we often unknowingly set obstacles for ourselves and sabotage the chances of creating a happy relationship. Unfortunately, these hidden obstacles have the most incredible power over us.
Ready to “sink” our next relationship. Why is that so? What mental blockages divert us from the path of emotional gain in a relationship? Whose “program” of failed relationships or love patterns have we unknowingly taken over?
Many claims that they are not successful in love, or say that there are no more kindred spirits. Behind that, there is the fear of new disappointment, vulnerability, or loss of identity. They repeat the pattern that leads them into bad, unhealthy relationships, they spin in a vicious circle, constantly looking for the culprit for the situation in which they find themselves. Rarely is anyone aware of how much his love past determines him in new relationships?
Are you still angry about your past relationship? Do personal prejudices or fears prevent you from achieving personal happiness? We unconsciously bring our attitudes, beliefs, habits, painful experiences, frustrations into relationships with others – all our accumulated past. The most common blockades that take us away from a stable and long-term relationship are: prejudices, distorted perceptions, negative beliefs about ourselves, about life and people about it, fears, old complexes.
Everything always starts from ourselves. Instead of blaming others, we need to look inside ourselves, admit our mistakes and take responsibility. Suppose we are constantly choosing inappropriate partners, similar in personality structure, and who cannot make us happy. In that case, it is time to face that “saboteur” of love happiness that is hiding in us. Mistakes in our love life are often the result of wrong conclusions from previous relationships.
We enter into an emotional relationship with the attitude that we have been hurt in the past and will probably be disappointed again. Such an attitude will ensure that our predictions come true. To begin with, we must renounce certain myths, ingrained beliefs, outdated assumptions, and decide to take responsibility for our personal happiness. With all these fears and snares, it’s hard to find love.
Restrain your negativism. It is dangerous to be constantly dissatisfied or pessimistic. If you are in such a mood, that is your perception, which decides what will happen to you and whether people want to be in our environment. For example, suppose some people are lucky – in love, in life. In that case, it means that they reflected exactly those virtues that they consider important in their behavior.
Most relationship problems are related to self-love. To build a healthy relationship with others, we must first have a healthy relationship with ourselves. Only those who are valuable in their own eyes can leave a good impression on others and build quality relationships. Low self-esteem, negative attitude, striving for perfection and high expectations are not the path to success and happiness in love.
They only lead to the sabotage of opportunities for happiness. Our subconscious experience of ourselves is negative. By behaving in this way, we message that we are not good enough and do not deserve respect and love. This is a very dangerous but also prevalent belief. The ability to express and receive love is diminished and thwarted due to lack of self-love.
And the lack of self-confidence in emotional relationships “forces” us to make wrong choices and relationships in which we are not happy. The formula by which these people are guided through life, means that they equate their own value with the amount of other people’s attention and affection, because they believe that this is the only proof that they are worth it.
If we do not feel valuable, we likely do not set boundaries in relationships and accept the rules of the game that we may not like. All to get someone’s love, at least for a short time. That is why it can happen that we do not present ourselves in the best light and show ourselves insecurity. It can degenerate into a relationship breakdown even before it even started. Many people stay in very bad, unhealthy relationships because they are afraid to say what they think and feel.
A person who does not value itself on a deep basis will value other people’s opinions rather than it’s own. As a rule will sabotage changes that would lead to an increase in intimate happiness. If we are not sure of ourselves, we can feel unjustifiably rejected. We expect a negative ending and behave so that we lead the relationship in that direction.
Set boundaries: every relationship we enter into requires some kind of constraint. Suppose you do not have standards in the relationship. In that case, you allow others to break the rules in which you should feel safe and loved – you will be emotionally full of dissatisfaction, left at the mercy of someone’s bad behavior. Healthy self-confidence makes us immune to negative emotions. Raise awareness of your own values. People who value themselves, emphasize their best qualities and extract the best from others.
Self-confidence, patience, inner peace are all qualities of a person who attracts people with the same qualities. As long as you don’t work on yourself, you will hardly realize the happiness of love. Get the best out of yourself, because only when we are filled with love for ourselves do we have something to offer others. If you want to make better moves in the future, say out loud what you think and feel – everything you may have been carrying for years.
We expect perfection
Many people have excessive expectations in love, which certainly does not help them search for a soul mate. Experts point out that the main problem is the distorted image of love and relationships and setting expectations – classic sabotage in which women are leaders. We start a relationship by bringing our hopes, ideals and expectations into them. But, unfortunately, most of them are unrealistic.
Many are hoping for something that conflicts with reality, and excessive expectations rarely positively affect the love life. They are considered one of the main pitfalls in a relationship. The fact is that we all have a romantic image of ideal love, a perfect partner. The fresher the relationship, the more evidence of love we will expect. Suppose we hope a relationship makes us happy and fill in the gaps in ourselves, or we think we can truly change someone. In that case, we are setting a trap for ourselves.
When our expectations are not met, we become unhappy. It is a recipe for dissatisfaction on both sides. The most common misconceptions are: the expectation that the partner will change; expecting him to have the same goals, priorities and interests as us; the expectation that our partner “reads” our thoughts – that he thinks and reacts like us; the expectation that the relationship will make us complete.
Suppose you constantly resent your partner, because it does not fit into your idea of the perfect type. In that case, you miss all those good sides of the relationship that you could enjoy. A partner should not be the only thing that makes you happy in life. Instead, you should replace expectations with life values that you both share.
Only the satisfied are happy
Be content with what you have, not dissatisfied with something you don’t have or will never have. You will not be good to yourself or others. In a relationship of dissatisfaction, small things become significant obstacles. Partners must have a fulfilled life and be satisfied with themselves. Only two independent people can build a quality, healthy relationship.
People with more self-confidence will be able to make an easier decision on whether someone really suits them or not, because they do not need to be in a relationship at any cost to prove themselves worthwhile. Slavery to fears, doubts, excuses … are an obstacle to trust, and thus love and happiness. It is much more useful to choose different behaviors. Every painful experience is instructive and has its purpose – to provide information on what is important to you for future elections.
The key to a happy and lasting relationship is in you. That means: knowing in the right place where to draw boundaries, where to give up unrealistic ideals, where and how to work on developing yourself and relationships with others. Learn some new emotional skills and not let old complexes ruin your relationships. Break ties from past relationships, conclusions, and beliefs from the past.
Find a pivotal barrier to partnership in relationships so far. Finding balance is the secret of good relationships, a prerequisite for a successful life and greater happiness.