Don’t get me wrong, I love her deeply and she was a light for me in so much darkness- but I feel like it just took us a little longer. I guess I was protecting both of us- maybe that in itself was a selfless act of love. I don’t have a “favorite” kid, but I do have one that I worry about more. Harrison’s older and will remember more, and he’s just more sensitive overall… Evelyn has been independent and laid back from the start. But- they both need their mom.
Right now, I’m cancer free and we’re back to life as usual- for the most part. There are still moments that take my breath away and they still happen often. “Momma, can we go to Disney World when I’m 10” (I hope I’ll get to go, too). “Momma, when I have kids, I’m going to have a beard” (I so badly want to see the people they become and the families they make). “Momma, do you promise you’ll be my mommy forever” (sigh. I sure hope so, buddy).
Even tonight, on Mother’s Day eve- Harrison had a bad dream and needed extra back rubs. And this morning, Evelyn woke up in one of those “I only want my mommy” moods. These moments are just little reminders that nothing is promised. As harsh as that reality is, I truly appreciate this perspective I’ve been given- it makes me realize how special those every day moments really are.
No matter what the future holds, I know my kids will be just fine. They have an amazing father and family support system. They both have huge hearts and bring joy to everyone they meet. They are kind and funny and love to learn new things. I’m certain they will both grow up to make their own beautiful mark on the world… and every day I pray like crazy I’ll be here to see it. sun_pin
P.S. The fort sleep over was even cooler than I imagined.
